On the ferry. Fudging love ferries. Booked ticket for wrong day. Changed it for completely free. So much more chill than airlines or Eurostar. Eurostar have an annoyingly overbearing policy on explosive materials. Ferries don't care. Means I can bring my red, black and white GT-85 spray-can to keep the bike in decent shape. First time I went bikepacking, I noticed a sign whilst checking in:
"My can has one of those symbols which this sign says is forbidden. But I kind of need it. Can I take this on the ferry, or do I need to bin it?"
"Just keep it in yer bag mate"
"Are you sure, because the sign says..."
"Look mate, do you want to get this ferry or not?"
"Yes please. I'll keep it in the bag :)"
Thanks for the donations, I would thank individually, but have been frantically trying to get the brakes and gears to work. Doubt ill take many photos, the bike is prob 20kg with camping stuff, and accelerating from a dead stop is like prodding a sloth.
What the hell happened to the summer? :angry:
First day was the most miserable day of the trip. "Intermittent showers" ended up being 6 hours of dreary drizzle, with some obnoxious headwinds. Legs felt like shite. Rain and occasional Belgian cobbles meant the handlebar kept coming loose and spinning round. Scared of over-tightening it and snapping the bolt. Took me until day 3 to get bored of stopping for it and tighten it to infinity.
I'd felt like the trip was complicated enough, that I stuck to the bland cyclepath route East through Northern Belgium to Bruges. The canals and farmlands are . But I've ridden this exact route about 10x in the past few years. There's a lovely forest on the South-West approach to Bruges that I recommend as the most chill way to enter the city....but the rest was fairly boring. Listening to an audiobook on ultra-processed-food whilst scoffing nutri-grain and alpen bars :/
13€ for a campsite with free hot showers. Mental. Staying near Wachtebeke for the night. Tent goes up easy. Nearly flubbed the whole trip the day before with some "target fixation" whilst cooking.
Inner monologue: Boy it sure would be terrible timing if i sliced off my finger whilst cutting these peppers. I should be extra careful. Two seconds later.....yep.
Fortunately, experts have informed me that with my reaction time, I could be a formula 1 driver or fighter pilot. So I pulled away before the blade went too deep. Nothing too bad. But it's still a pain in the rain. I'm sure all "waterproof" plasters are a scam. And getting mud and crud sprayed into it can't be good.
Slept terribly. Mainly due to obnoxious heavy rain showers. Frequent enough to wake you up each time, not consistent enough for you to just adjust and sleep properly. Still....only 13 euros. What a deal? :man-facepalming:
Extremely frustrating morning. The problem with campsites is receptions close early evening. So I had to hang around until 9am this morning to pay. And of course the booking software shits the bed when trying to book in the past. And after getting past that, it still throws cryptic error messages, which me and the receptionist fail to debug. 30 mins later I just pay in cash and walk off leaving her to deal with it. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
I'd accidentally left my bonephones on all night, so I had nothing to listen to on the slightly mind-numbing Belgian cyclepaths to infinity. Then I need to pick up food from the nearby town. I'd heard Aldi on the continent is actually really good....it's not. It's dog-dirt. Shite bakery section. Sandwich selection suggests a vegetarian has never stepped foot in there. Everything in single use plastic...
Tangent: I know it's virtually impossible to fully cut out single use plastic. But can try my best, and have found my diet improved massively through trying to avoid it. Even if you don't care that much, just the act of forcing yourself to use the logical part of your brain when picking up a snickers really helps. Now your logical part is in-use, that can decide whether to buy; rather than just zombie-moding into decisions on chimp-brain.
When I'd finally chosen stuff I look at checkouts. It's just like UK Aldi (used to be). No self-checkouts. Single lane open. Several large trollies waiting. I don't have an hour. So I put back what I've got. Then I have to hurdle the alarm gate on one of the closed checkouts to actually leave.
Went to Delhaize on other side of town. Fucking love Delhaize. Beautiful baguettes. Great nuts. Top-notch bakery. Feel a little bad for the people of Wachtebeke though. What remained of the bakery resembled Lindisfarne monastery after the Vikings were through with it.
Tangent: Belgian bakeries best bakeries. The main thing that disappointed me about Paris was the patisseries. Everything in them looks incredible....and it tastes alright. But alright is still a let down. Style over substance. Strongly against my philosophy. Belgian bakery stuff looks pretty plain, but tastes god tier. Chocolate and vanilla cream in a "pain au"...genius. Although I do feel the humble reisstartje has a lot of untapped potential. You've got a great base there, just some chopped nuts or drizzled melted chocolate could really push it over the edge into the king of baked goods imo.
Cocked up today's route-file, and waste another 20 minutes fiddling with cycle-computer. It's nearly 11:30 by the time I have any momentum.
Oh boy. Pretty sure there's meant to be a bolt holding the back wheel on there. And the nearby bike shop closed 30 mins before noticing. Now I am sitting in nearest campsite waiting for owners to get back to see if I can stay. Bike has been even slower than I expected, although I suspect it is my legs. Planned to be in Germany by now. So having to stop early with the missing bolt, I am noticeably behind schedule and it is going to be really tight. More setbacks and it'll be all-nighters :grimacing:
I wonder what did the bolt in. Maybe just the cobbles. Maybe my insane attempt to "jump" a kerb on a 22kg bike, when I still can't jump my 8kg road bike. I wouldn't have heard the bolt falling off, as this special maneuver also threw my pannier bag into the road.
Positives:
Sat on a bee.
Campsite ended up being pretty cool. They'd tried very hard to get the bike working for me, but it needed a special cycling-specific bolt. I'd been super professional, and resisted the tantalising temptations of Belgian waffles, fries and beer.....only to reach Netherlands...and join a Belgian beer tasting session there :smile:
Bit risky. This wasn't wine tasting. No spit buckets, just sick buckets. Lads! LADS! L A D S!!! JK: fortunately it was fairly civilised. That smorgasbord....! (Yes there's fruit, salad, chocolate, cheese, crisps...everything?) :laughing::laughing: Also the compulsory breakfast the following morning was also bananas. Looked like a period drama meal.
Local bike shop had new bolt and I was rolling by 9. Monster day today. Made up lost ground. Just checked into a hotel near Lippstadt. I could probably still do it fully tenting. But I'll just be trading time spent hanging out with friend in Berlin, for time struggling stuffing sleeping bags and mats into yet more bags. Working on trying to value my time more and money less.
All gas no breaks. Fuck kitkats. Well there was one break, and that was a disaster. Stopped in Mulheim. There were 2 foody coffee shops 50 yards apart. One looked super busy and popular. The other was dead. So I did the sensible thing and went to the dead one. A) You'll get served quicker. B) often the empty places are just fine, but people don't want to eat somewhere empty. So you can break the cycle. If you sit outside and get something that looks amazing, like a waffle with all the trimmings....then by the time you finish, the place is heaving. Maybe its coincidence, but you still get to feel good and also yell "I AM THE CATALYST MOTHERFUCKER!" (In your head [although no reason you couldn't do it out loud.....try it and let me know])
The plan was a quick "splash and dash" (note: in this context I mean eating the food and drink very quickly, like an F1 pitstop. I am not referencing the other context, where you use a restaurant bathroom to do number 2, and run off without actually purcashing anything). What a disaster. Ordered simple scrambled eggs and some mozzarella & tomatoes on toast, coke zero and americano....14 euros. Outrageous but whatever.
Well bring it put for you. So i go out and start looking at maps. The place is dead. Yet 20mins later im still waiting. Literally nothing brought out. I go in to ask "pls can i have my coke zero now?" Oh yes, im so sorry. Here. Drink the coke zero. 10 more mins. Go in and politely ask for my coffee. Oh im so sorry, we are stressed. Here. Also ill check your food in the kitchen. 5mins later food arrives. Gust of wind blows half the toppings onto the floor. Beyond caring. Eat with my bare hands. Egg was good. Staff were super friendly, just completely away eith the faeries.
In the evening I just got a subway. They've fallen out of favour in the UK it seems, but they're great for bike-tripping. Real food. Quick and efficient. Going to be a veggie option with actual protein.
My ambitious goal was ~150 miles from Strampoy -> Lippstadt in Germany. I wanted to get whole German industrial/urban area done and dusted. Duisburg was annoying. Felt like I spent half the day waiting at traffic lights, or breaking my legs "accelerating" away from them.
The Rhine was underwhelming. "That's a big river. I wonder if it's the Rhine. But where's the Ruhr?". Turned out it was the Rhine. I would not go on holiday to Dortmund. Fortunately a large section of this industrial part was through German cycle-paths, often disconnected from roads, so it was still fairly nice. Something European bike infrastructure does that I'd like to see the UK copy is cycle-paths BETWEEN towns. Nothing fancy. Just a big path close to but not connected to the main road between towns.
Outside of Dortmund it goes from "people and buildings everywhere" to....just nothing. No cars, a few houses spattered over the countryside. But mainly just farmland and trees. Not much different from the part of Belgium I'd been bored by. But even small gentle rolling hills do a lot for the eye. Helps that it wasn't pissing down with rain anymore, and it turned into a nice summer evening.
Photos
1st selfie is german border around lunch.
Once more into the showers!
How many spiderman can you see in this pic? Emoji-react the number for a chance to win fuck-all!
Me cruising down hill. Got my self-checkin hotel booked. Endorphins from 11 hours in the saddle. Running high on sugar and caffeine. Jamming to tunes and snapping pics of beautiful sunset. Usually i dont phone and ride as im a nervous nelly. But the (perfect) roads became a ghost town (big football match on?). Genuinely dont think my mood can go higher than it was then. One of those perfect moments in time.
See pic 1. Its not just that they have pockets. The pockets are on the hip, like cowboy holsters. So you feel like Clint Eastwood, except instead of drawing pistols, you're whipping out sandwiches and flapjacks....
Do you feel hungry punk? Why yes, yes I do! They are also perfectly placed for surreptitiously pocketing as much of the breakfast buffet as possible. Made off with quite a haul this morning.
I am obliterated. The area of Germany i just went through is beautiful. Brutal, but beautiful.
Wish I had my road bike. Its like the budget alps. There's no proper mountains, but lovely hills and forests. Im sure it must be way cheaper and quieter than alps. The pics i took dont do it justice (but do they ever?)
Literally all the trips hills were condensed into today. At the top of 1st hill, which was several hundred feet. Garmin said: "climb 1/18 completed". Fuck! Also coming down was even harder. I dont have any spare brake pads. So i was using my body to slow as much as possible. Doing the "make yourself big" pose that scares away bears (Is it bears? If you get torn to shreds by a bear, pls dont sue me)
Done so well today and yesterday that, barring a major catastrophe, should be storming the reichstag tomorrow evening. Built up a big bike breakage buffer.
Pictures:
Pic 1: The special shorts with breakfast haul (another filled pocket on other side)
Pic 2: I can push my legs to the limit. I cannot push halford essentials zippers to the limit. Happy with my bodge though.
Pic 3: someone else will have to explain why i went gloveless. Sweat has pretty much jammed the gear lever and its stuck in 5.
This problem would come and go for the rest of the trip. Usually it just required a tonne of wrist-effort and strength to change gear, was not fully jammed.
Pic 4: The most accurately named german village
Handful of photos. Didn't even capture the best bits. Too busy enjoying it :D
Pic 9: I though nettos was extinct! Not sure what a "Backfuch" is though :!
Reached donation goal. Many thanks! :D
Day 5 preview: the final push? The final limp? Didnt think this one through. Legs still flirting outrageously with cramp this morning. Got 115 miles to do in slippers (Maybe if you wear enough layers of socks it forms a shoe?) My proper shoes were designed for a quick tear arounds the woods, not all day riding. Big toes hurt a bit and toenails might fall off if i dont shoe switch (edit: It's 3 weeks later and my toenail is still purple xD)
Also my powerbank has given up the goat. If my gps machine dies and I have to navigate myself, I'm more likely to end up in Borneo.
Could have split remainder into two days. But cycling is like music at a party. Once you turn it up to 11, you can't dial it back. The knob only turns one way. What are you, a fucking nerd? Fuck the neighbours! XD
I've also become slightly paranoid about the bike capitulating. Every cobble or bump generates a wince. So it'll be good to get there early.
The views as we get closer to Berlin are not as special as Day 4 in the budget-alps. But it's still fairly pleasant countryside. There's a couple of nice foresty bits. See some hawks. A red squirrel. I think I'm done trying to photo anything that has the ability to run away.
It just takes a moment that should be special and full of wonder. And turns it into a mad panic: scrambling for your phone, fat-fingering the pin, messing with the camera, and....it's gone. FFS.
Smooth sailing into Berlin. Just one dodgy point where what looked like tarmac turned out to be quite deep grey sand/dirt. Cyclocross skills coming in big!
Oh, I'd left out talking about what was going on in my shorts the whole trip, mainly to keep it safe-for-work. In my opinion, this is a far greater concern than legs for ultra-distances. Legs can recover. Things can go down-south down-south rapidly, and when they do, they tend to just get worse.
Even though this could be the final day....the soreness was getting noticeable, and I didn't want to take risks. Before I set off, I tried to salvage the situation with blister plasters applied to the downstairs danger-zones. Unfortunately this seemed to exacerbate the problem. Blister plasters have considerably stronger adhesive properties than regular ones. So long story short; I bikini waxed myself in a German supermarket car park. With an old man watching intensely from a nearby car.
Well, smooth sailing up until 11 miles to go. I kind of ruined the very final part of the trip. I'd been in such high spirits and mood for the whole German leg.
But then I had the "smart" idea of camping just outside Berlin for my holiday part. It feels silly to bring a tent 620 miles and not really use it.
I picked a campsite 11 miles West of Germany, so I could do a quick checkin and payment whilst reception was open, then finish the trip.
Quick checkin? I am not usually a rageful person. But doing 450 miles on a shoddy bike in 3 days seems to make you a little cranky. First was the man before me. He seemed to be just chit-chatting with the receptionist for...ever. Yeah it's nice for people to be friendly....but I'm in a slight rush here. I'm panicking because if you stay stopped for too long, your body comes out of "exercise mode", and goes into "recovery mode"....then if you try and restart "exercise mode" it goes "WHAT. THE. FUCK. I THOUGHT WE WERE DONE! ARE YOU TAKING THE PISS?". It's only 11 miles left, but when your body is kaput, time moves slower and 11 miles feels like 40mi.
When he is finally finished it's my turn. The young receptionist submitting my details...."klack.....klack....fucking massive 3 second pause....klack". I am going insane. There's nothing you can really say in this situation without being a dick: "Hey, have you considered typing faster than my Granny?". The sensible thing to do would be to engage in conversation and distract myself....but I don't want to risk distracting her and somehow making it even slower. So I just internalise the rage and anger.
When I am finally released from reception I am seething with repressed frustration. The perfect thing to have done now, would be to call it a day. Just put my tent up, have a proper meal at the campsite restaurant. I could wake up tomorrow super eager, put on some normal human clothes, and enjoy a glorious victory lap into the centre. Followed by an epic celebratory breakfast. That would have been perfect. But life isn't perfect. And exhausted, angry people make dumb decisions...I immediately push on to the centre.
I'm in one of those moods where every small thing that would usually just bounce off me...now feels immensely frustrating. The cyclepaths into Berlin are just shite pavements, clattering bike and bones. Suncream and sweat has smudged my glasses to shit. I can barely see my cycle computer, let alone enjoy the sights. The second I take off the glasses my eyes are bombarded by flies. I'm turning on myself mentally. Going down a long hill, knowing that I'm just going to have to turn round and go back up it to sleep tonight. Wondering why I'm still pushing on this evening. It seems like I'm not perservering for any noble or sound reason. Am I just doing it so I can say I cycled to Berlin in 4.5 days, rather than 5? Is my ego really that fragile? That I need to be able to say I did it "really, really quickly", rather than just "really quickly". Doesn't help that I'm filthy and drenched in sweat. Today has finally been a hot summer day. Yay? So there's no way I can go into a restaurant or place with the civilized people. I end up grabbing some drinks and a 3-compartment-dessert pot from a mini-supermarket. I squat on a street corner devouring it like some fecking yoghurt gremlin: "this really is not a dignified way to be celebrating a pretty big achievement".
Looking back on my photo at Brandenburg gate I am definitely genuinely beaming there. Freewheeling through Tiergarten chilled my mood a bit, and I was definitely elated for a full minute on reaching the gate. The elation did quickly get replaced with....nothing? More an extreme calm than nothing really. That sort of feeling you get when you've had a work week 3x more stressful than normal. And it is finally Friday evening. And you literally take a massive deep breath. Just calm. But that's fine. Calm is nice after the manic past few days 🙂
Now just got to find a new owner for the bike.
This trip has been a tragic love story really.
Initially the bike and I did not get on at all. We treated each other with contempt. But over the days, we have grown together. The bike was just misunderstood. It can be ridden with a radical new riding style, based on the illegal "puppy paws" pose. Makes the bike aero yet comfortable. A true delight....when bits aren't falling off.
I don't really want to part ways with it anymore. But the fiends at eurostar! They won't let me rebook without losing 35€, and that's without the extra 30€ bike ticket.
Some people say you can't put a price on love.
Not me. My price is a firm 50€. You've got to draw the line somewhere. And love won't pay off a mortgage.
People also say, "If you love someone, set them free. Or push them into a canal. And if they love you, they'll find their way back to you".
So maybe we'll meet again. ❤️🔥
Photos:
1: the bodge finally failed
2: we bodge harder
3: poor bike :(
4: road to infinity of fast cars
wiiiiind. My legs felt so good by this point it did not matter.
Emergency slippers!
Made it: I look very happy at this moment in time at least! xD
That will be the final update 😀
Off to do the chill part of the holiday. 🌥️😺
Been fun writing this down. Bike touring is always lulls and highs. And the lulls were a lot more fun when they can make someone laugh span class="emoji">😀
(edit: lulls...more like lolz.....hahahaha :|Oh and https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xxGv-JdWRWU. I almost forgot about Jeff.
Linked his most catchy song. Favourite song is we begged 2 explode, but wasn't a fan at first. It starts to grow on you after the first 50 or so listens though 🎵
Also shout out to this song. On day 4, at the 85% part, my brain had melted due to sugar depletion. This came on as I struggled on the last big hill. Stopped cycling. Went up gears. Started just dancing. Flew up it. (I think 😅🐱)
Warning: Long read 😛
The plan has well and truly gone out the fucking window. Chilling in a cafe before training it to Rotterdam, I went to check tickets....
I'd just assumed European trains were always cheap. Whoops, leaving it until the last minute, the €40 train is now €140 and not even direct....
...what is silly is that the direct overnight sleeper train is still only €70...and it's really easy to take bikes on these.... 🤔
Maybe the sleep deprivation, feels like someone else is controlling my phone...rebooking my Rotterdam Eurostar to late October....booking the Berlin sleeper and a ferry.
Oh boy. Guess this is happening. 😅 Sleeper gets into Antwerp* at 9:30am, and it is a fairly flat, but headwindy, 125 miles to Dunkerque/Calais. That's do-able to be back at work the next day right? 😅🐱
*Rotterdam would have been 160 miles, with an extra ferry across part of Netherlands. Bit too insane even for me.
Part of the decision may have been giving me an excuse to cancel the hostel in Rotterdam. I really want to love tents and hostels. It would be so convenient for my bank balance, also the social aspect...but mainly the bank balance. But just no.
Camping: First nights in Berlin I camped outside city. Picked a spot for my tent with no grass underneath. Both nights I failed to sleep. The ground was rock solid. Blimey, I have never truly appreciated grass.
When I packed up the tent....my sleeping pad wouldn't deflate. Is it broken?...... 🤦 I'd accidentally sat on the valve and 90% deflated it when pitching.
Combined with incessant itchiness! I made the mistake of enjoying the evening outside my tent, leading to an initial feeding frenzy..... after which I had the bug net closed at all times. But I was still getting bitten. I could not understand. Is there one in here with me? 👽
Whilst "de-tenting", I discovered the corpses of two squashed red ants, plus a medium sized spider. I do not think they appreciated being squashed ... 😐
The camping was intense....... (I think this joke is a lot cleverer than it is funny, but I am very proud of it so I'm leaving it in xD)
I thought a (good) hostel on gig night would have been an upgrade. Errrr. They gave me a top bunk. With no ladder. "Excuse me, how do I get up there?"
"You have to just vault it. Like a gymnast"
Great. Woke everyone else in the room up. Then realised the top bunk was 3 feet wide....and had no railing.
I have been told I am a very "dynamic" sleeper. I dream Kung Fu. Not keen to faceplant the floor on my final night, I never properly drifted off.
Maybe the sleeper train will be better? 🤞
Regretting taking the bike for a spin off-road in the woods for its "last day". The chain now makes angry grinding noises. Although, I was fortunate to share my breakfast (cashews and cranberries) with a sad but chill fox. It was so exceptionally tame that it must have been quite ill. I was the one having to keep the distance. I have a phobia of rabies.
The sleeper train was actually alright. Bottom bunk baby! 🎉 Could only really sleep until 5:30 am as people in my room were getting off earlier. But still better than hostel or tents.
The goal: There is an 8pm Dunkerque ferry...then not one until midnight! And if I miss the 8pm one I also have to cycle back to Canterbury, probably getting in around 3am. Ready for work at ~9 the next day 😅🐱
At this moment of my life, with the poorest sleep I've had since...ever?....all I wanted in the world is to be snuggled up in my perfect, comfy bed. But making the 8pm ferry would require average speed of 14 mph, including every stop/junction. So more like 16 mph when actually riding.
I was afraid that attempting the 8pm ferry would turn the day into a misery....to just miss it by minutes anyway.
Better to never try at all, than to try and fail anyway! 😱
Even before the ride it started badly. I have a pre-ride ritual of snorting some olbas oil from a tissue. Clears the airways and the deep inhalation focuses the mind.
I sniff the olbas oil just before pulling into Antwerp. Nose explodes with blood. Barely got the nosebleed under control by disembarkation time.
Then I couldn't spot any elevators. So yolo'd the stairs. Turns out Antwerp station has platforms 4 levels deep. 🤦♂️
Probably an interesting sight. Man with a face covered in dried blood, dragging an incredibly heavy, stickered bike up 200 stairs whilst roaring. Definitely very macho roars. Not at all pathetic or weird. 🐱
Then lost another 15 minutes outside station. All mapping software seemed to be suggesting I swim across a massive river. No thanks. Rode around in circles frantically searching for a way across. Finally discovered the subterranean entrance to the cycling river portal. 🕳️
Once I got "going"..."going" was an over-exaggeration. Falling asleep on the bike.
After a few hours, I had to stop to duct-tape my kick-stand, and a snapped-strap sleeping bag.....I had averaged 12.3 mph...the dream was dead. It would be insane to make the 8pm ferry.
I'd given up, and was planning to just have a leisurely late-lunch in Diksmuide (nice town with nice cafes).
But after I'd cleared out the croissant section of a local bakery, I was suddenly going faster and faster
No pain or struggle, feeling good. 15 mph. 16. 17. 18..... 😺
On the outskirts of Diksmuide, it was suddenly seeming possible..... if I absolutely buried myself. 16/17 mph until Dunkerque port could pull it off. Stomach cramps told me I was already close to the limit. Prioritisation of blood to muscles over digestive system. Fuck it, let's go! 😝
So I smashed the remaining croissants and went for it. No pain au chocolat. No gain au chocolat 🥐😄
As you get close to the coast, the wind gets stronger, the headwind kicked up. Hammering it. Watching the clock tick towards the deadline. Pretty dehydrated. Focused on pedalling. Nothing stops the rhythm. I did not think I could push that hard for multiple hours. The power of a comfy bed!
I pulled up to the check-in gate 5 mins after check-in officially closed....
"Am I...in...time...for the.....the 8pm?"
A warm-smile on the lightly facial-haired French ticket guy: sure, that's fine. just need your ticket and passport
Waves of relief. Emotionally this was bigger than reaching Berlin 😄
Was in bed with the bike by 11pm. First good night's sleep in sooo long 😴😺
Photos:
Best photo I have off Jeff xDFoxy friend
Cycling around Berlin, including the massive dead airfield near the centre
Lost in Antwerp
Hidden bike tunnel under the river
Made it home :sunglasses: